Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
