Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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