Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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