Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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