Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
