You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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