i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
