i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We have started to decorate penises.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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