I heard we made out
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
