she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
