how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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