My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
