theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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