You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
