I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
