Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Less talking, more tequila
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
