you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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