I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
