Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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