My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
