I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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