Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
