just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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