I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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