I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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