I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
