I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
