Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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