If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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