So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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