Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
