Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like giving head to a cactus.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
