She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
