youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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