i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
