My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
