We're facebook friends in real life
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
