I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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