I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
