I'm going to jail i love you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
