why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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