yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Randomize
