I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His nipple licking is glorious
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
