Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
