A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
