Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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