yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
