The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
