He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
