I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
