I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Someone came in the potted fern
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
