Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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