fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
